Attraction: The House On The Rock
Location: Highway 23 (Between Spring Green & Dodgeville) / Spring Green, WI
Date Of Visit: 09/07/06
Review: How far would you go to defend your father's honor against an off-handed comment made by an egotistical architect whose structures may look pretty but all leak? Alex Jordan Jr. went the distance. When Frank Lloyd Wright dismissed Jordan's father from the Taliesin home by telling him, "I wouldn't hire you to design a cheese crate or a chicken coop," Jordan Jr's craw got royally clogged and the Drano still hasn't gotten through after his death. Begun in the 1940's, the House on the Rock was built as a parody of Wright's architectural style on one of the highest points surrounding the famed studio home of Wright. At first, the house was only an oddity due to its epileptic Japanese style and death-defying way it wrapped itself in and around the very rock cliff it was built upon. As time marched on and Jordan Jr. became ever more the obsessed builder and collector, the House expanded into what is widely opined to be the world's Mecca of roadside attractions. The writer Neil Gaiman even went so far as to use the House On The Rock as a location in his great novel, American Gods, where he suggests that it is the spiritual center of America. After visiting this strange and wonderful complex twice now, I have a very strong feeling that Gaiman could be right.
To do the House on The Rock justice, one would have to write volumes. I suggest you read my brief overview, then plan a trip there yourself. No words can do this peculiarity justice.
The House On The Rock complex consists of the original house and several intertwined buildings containing some of the rarest and most awe inspiring pieces of worldly ephemera Wisconsin has to offer. There are three tours available for visitors to take. All are self guided. My group of oddity addicts decided to go for all three. Even before entering, we found ourselves commenting on the cement lizard sculptures in the parking lot, the wizard statue near the entrance and the large cement marking that is labeled as a dinosaur foot print from the "dinosaur age." Obviously research and specifics took a backseat to Jordan Jr's hoarding.

The first tour consists of the house itself. With warping rooms, walls that alternate between wood and jagged edges of the rock itself and ceilings far too low for the 6'4" Jordan, there is a claustrophobic and displaced feeling one feels while walking through the house. Within the first five minutes of your journey, you pass indoor fountains, antique and exotic furniture, sculptures of saints and demons and animatronic music machines which contain actual instruments that are outfitted with mechanical contraptions that cause the music to play itself. Most of these machines cost tokens, which you can purchase from change machines along the way, but if you tour the HOTR on a busy day, you will probably be able to witness the bizarre ingenuity free of charge. All three tours contain pieces of foreshadowing as to what will come next along your path, but the House, with all of its priceless and juxtaposed knickknacks, seems to be the cluttered closet from which everything you are about to see came.

The most impressive and precarious section of the house is the famed Infinity Room, which is a long and diminishing corridor that hangs out from the house over 218 feet with no support. As you walk to the end of the Infinity room, you come to a window in the floor which allows you to look down over the tops of the trees below you. 150 feet below is the ground. As the Infinity Room creaks and sways in the wind, I couldn't help but wonder when it might fall.

Once you exit the house, enter the house, then exit the house again, you soon find yourself on a recreation of a dark cobblestone alleyway. Known as The Streets Of Yesterday, this section is where the reality of Jordan's hoarding obsession sets in. By peering through windows of shop recreations, you will witness blacksmithing tools, typewriters, dentistry instruments that could be used as torture devices, puppets and more. One of the stand out shop window displays is that of an old apothecary. Through the windows, you are able to see actual medicine bottles and ads from the early days of chemical healing. Two of my favorites were "Dr. Kilmer's Female Remedy" and the ingenious weight loss solution, sanitized tape worms. Just swallow a couple of tape worms and eat as much as you want. You'll always stay thin!

Though the buildings that house these odd collections are not a thing of beauty, the transition from one to the other is overshadowed by your open-mouthed awe at the unbelievable amounts of stuff surrounding you. Somehow, we soon found ourselves in a towering room with a ramp that wrapped around the outside, climbing four stories. In the middle, sits a two hundred foot high sculpture of a whale-like sea monster simultaneously battling a squid and enjoying a meal of unfortunate sailors. Along the journey upwards you see various maritime artifacts and model ships.

Somewhere between the Heritage of the sea (as the maritime exhibit is dubbed) and the House's famed Carousel Room sits an exhibit of armor, weaponry and Asian artifacts. These rooms are also loaded with music machines such as an accordion symphony and a giant diorama of Chinese instruments, figures and decor known as the Mikado. The Mikado is one of the most complex music machines throughout the HOTR's three tours. With countless moving parts including lutes, drums and even Chinese fans, the haunting tune that plays after you drop two tokens in is as mesmerizing as the physicality of the Mikado itself.

My personal favorite piece of musical equipment, however, is one that cannot be played, token or not. In a small Victorian display sits an odd machine known as a phonoliszt violina, which is a piano that contains three violins inside which can be controlled by the keys and foot pedals. This is the only phonoliszt violina on display in America (someone correct me if I am wrong). Anyone know where I can take lessons to learn how to play this bizarre instrument?
Next came the Carousel Room. There are actually three carousels in the House on the Rock complex, but the centerpiece of all of the revolving madness is the world's largest carousel which consists of over 239 unique carousel creatures from around the world. None of the carousel statues, by the way, are horses. Instead, the figures on the carousel range from humanoid to lizard to monster. More automated instruments blare and sputter around you as a theme song that sounds as if it were from a circus in a David Lynch film blares you through the exit which is shaped like a gargoyle's mouth.

The beginning of the third and final tour starts with the Organ room, which not only contains several old organs and whiskey stills (don't ask, because I don't know), but also serves as an organ yourself. As you wrap and wind up and around the dim red-lit building, you begin to notice stray pipes and sounds coming from behind walls and through openings. Never quite sure where the keys were or where the mechanics start or stop, there is nothing to do at this point but wander, point and click away if your batteries have held up.
At this point, our visit had taken us over three hours. It would have been a lot longer had we come on a day where there were more visitors. We lucked out. The next room which featured an enormous cannon that must have needed an elephant to operate it, another carousel with nothing but dolls on it and various other weaponry and artifacts of innocence, took us no less than a half hour to wander around. Through the next doorway, we heard what sounded suspiciously like alpha male whining. This was verified when we realized that the next room was the doll room. Dolls and their houses of all sizes are collected and set up behind glass windows. The male whining ahead of us came in the form of a curt and fragile voice loudly proclaiming that the owner wasn't "gonna look at any stupid dollhouses." There is a lot of the old world captured and collected in the various exhibits of The House on The Rock and, apparently, this also applies to some of the people who visit. Though I am not a dollhouse enthusiast either, I found myself stopping every so often to admire the precision and attention to detail that some of the antique toys and models contained.

As a fitting extension to the Doll room, the next and final section of the tour was a collection of miniature scale circus dioramas. This was basically a stylistic repeat of the Doll Room with tents instead of houses and freaks instead of young girls in dresses. The amount of detail in some of these miniatures was, again, phenomenal. Some of the pieces, I realized, had been featured on an episode of the PBS show, Antiques Roadshow that I saw a few weeks back and, if memory serves, are quite valuable.
After gazing in awe for just a few moments more, my friends and I finally saw the light of the world's worst gift shop. Perhaps it was due to the overwhelming amount of rare and unique ephemera we had just wandered through, but I just don't think a wooden door knocker captures the essence of the House on the Rock. With even more unrelated gift shops on the way out of The House On The Rock (Oh my god! That sweatshirt with a kitten face on it and the HOTR logo is so cute! I have to buy twelve for my nephews!) we made a hobbled sprint-walk to the car. The look but don't buy rule could not be more appropriate here.
The House on the Rock is a place of wonder and ultimate commitment of someone who didn't know when to stop at anything. If Alex Jordan Jr. were still alive today, there is no doubt in my mind that he would still be pinching every penny in order to buy the world's oldest totem pole or some such other item. The purpose would be unknown to us as Jordan was quite the hermit and unpleasant human being who was obsessed with lonely grandeur, but the result would have been to provide yet another room or collection that made people pause along the way with mouths hanging open, oohing, aahing or asking what it was all about. Now that the state of Wisconsin owns the attraction, there are additions that are made every so often. Some of the restorations and forthcoming additions have been in the works for nearly twenty years which leads me to believe that we will never see a completion to this bizarre world of obsession and oddball history.
No single visit to the House on the Rock can explain what is contained on that rock in Spring Green, Wisconsin. I've had trouble doing justice to the parts that remain in my memory. The House on the Rock will appeal to those interested in architecture, museums and thrift stores, but the people who absolutely need to make the trip to this funhouse of frivolity are the ones like me, who find attractions like the world's largest ball of twine far more interesting than the Four Seasons hotel.
The House On The Rock is the ultimate in roadside attractions. Every smashed penny museum, oversized plaster animal statue and wonder spot in the country dreams about becoming this fantastic. There are most assuredly ghosts living here... Ghosts that have been made gods by virtue of the time and attention given to them.
Rating: 4.75 / 5
Bonus: I was able to find an mp3 of what a phonoliszt violina sounds like when played:
Listen.